My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
