smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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