apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
