he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
