Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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