If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
