Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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