she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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