end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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