Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
