Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
