apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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