It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
