the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
