K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
