someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
