be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
