You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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