come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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