Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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