This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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