Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
