awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
