If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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