If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
