i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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