I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
