Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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