remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
