Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
