alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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