This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
