I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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