ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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