man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
