I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
