I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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