where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
