She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
