I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
