I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
