i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
