I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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