look no pants
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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