My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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