If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
