how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
