I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
