there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
