i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
