yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
