Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
