Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ok first of all what the fuck
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
